One Shots
by Mal Loup
Summary: Short stories about how the postman in the Legend of Zelda games saves the day.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I have no idea what this is, but here you go._

It was a beautiful autumn day when Zelda got kidnapped by Ganondorf again. This caused Link to sigh, not wanting to leave the village to hunt down the villain as he just got back from his latest quest. The timing was horrible for everyone else too, since Zelda was needed to find a king for the land.

"What do you think, Epona? Do you think he'll just go to one of his old hideouts and we won't have to run around Hyrule again?" Link asked his horse, who was grazing on the grass next to him.

Epona raised her head, looked at Link, snorted, and went back to grazing without leaving any doubt as to what she meant. People, especially villains, are creatures of habit and will always return to a place they feel is safe. Ganondorf is no different.

With this information, Link planned as to which one of the hideouts Ganondorf was most likely at. After waisting the whole morning, the afternoon light shone through the leaves above them, he decided to send a special package to the one hideout he believed Ganondorf was at.

Luckily, all Link had to do to find the mailman was to make safely to the fields, where the postman always seemed to find him.

Delivering the package didn't take long and the postlman was on his merry way, jogging from the fields all the way to a place not far from Death Mountain. As the building was hidden in the shadows of Death Mountain, many travelers didn't even see it unless they stumbled into it, like Link had done the first time.

As luck had it, the postman seemed to have some sort of power at finding not only buildings but the certain area inside where he had to deliver the letter/package. One thing about the postman was that he didn't care who he had to deliver to, as long as he gave it to the right person, it didn't matter what he delivered. That's why Link didn't have to tell the postman that the package he was holding had a bomb in it that would blow up around the time that Ganondorf would get it. At least, that's the time Link hoped it would explode...

Luck was still on their side, because as soon as the postman handed the package off to Ganondorf and left, the package exploded, knocking him out long enough for the princess to escape to where Link was waiting with Epona.


	2. Chapter 2

Ganondorf decided the best way to kidnap Princess Zelda this time was to create a fake event that she would have to go to. This meant writing up several invitations to make it seem legit and buying different items to create the fake environment that would look like a ball. One thing he had left to do was send the invitations.  
"Postman, get over here." Ganondorf signaled the running postman over, "I have some invitations that need to be sent immediately."  
The postman looked at Ganondorf. "You can't be serious. Don't you know what day it is?"  
Ganondorf sighed, looking to the sky for some sort of help for dealing with people. "Today is the day I need these sent, so I don't care what you're doing, I'll pay extra for you to deliver the invitations today, no matter the price."  
"Well, as you see, sir, I cannot accept that deal, no matter how sweet. The reason I've refused you the first time is because today is Sunday. No post on Sunday, no matter who's sending and who's receiving. The Princess herself doesn't get post Sunday because there is none! This rule was created when someone sent a bomb in the mail on a Sunday, so we're trying to avoid something like that again."  
"Do you not know who I am, postman! I am Ganondorf! I have the the Triforce of power! I can squish you like a bug if you refuse me!" Ganondorf thundered.  
"That's nice, Mr. Ganondorf, sir, but I still can't send any post because it's Sunday. I can come back tomorrow if you want." The postman looked like he wanted to pat Ganondorf's hand comfortingly, but thought better of it.  
With that, the postman left, defeating Ganondorf's idea of kidnapping the princess.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: What am I doing with my life_.

Not many people knew that the postman had terrible eyesight. It was well known that he sometimes sent a letter to the wrong person, though, which was a great way of getting blackmail on enemies.

Link was writing a letter to the Princess Zelda about how everything was quiet and there was barely any monsters roaming around, so there was no need for extra guards on the borders of Hyrule, especially since no one goes into the desert anymore.

 _And so, Princess, I hope you will take my word for this as I say there is no need for the guards. All will be fine, as the only way there is by shooting yourself out of a cannon. It would cause problems on finding guards brave enough too._

 _Link, Savior of Hyrule_

He never liked using the title, but it was an official document, though only Zelda would be reading it, as he wrote it informally most of the way.

Link, being from the small village on the outskirts of Hyrule, didn't know about the postman's eyesight or that he sometimes messes up, so, after tracking down the postman and wondering if it would've been faster delivering it himself, he gave the letter to the postman and left to find an adventure.

Not hearing who the letter was for, the postman stared at it for two minutes, trying to read the blurry letters. Not getting anywhere, he decided just to give it to the person he thought it was for: the person Link sent a letter to last.

He then retraced his steps to the fortress and knocked.

"Who dares disturb my slumber?!" A loud voice thundered, heavy steps pounding down stairs to get to the door.

The postman looked around. "I guess it was me." He answered the door, not realizing a person was behind it. "I must say, for a door you have a loud voice."

Spluttering was heard from behind the heavy wooden door. "I am not a door, you fool! I am Ganondorf!"

"I'm sorry, Mister Ganondorf, I never knew it was offensive to call a door a door. I never even knew they had names. Oh my." He exclaimed as the door opened up, revealing the angry Gerudo.

"I AM NOT A DOOR!"

"Well, Mister Ganondorf, I have a letter for you." Handing over the letter felt wrong, but the postman knew it was just a feeling and it would pass.

Ganondorf blinked, looking at the letter. "No one ever gives me letters. Only that _hero_ , Link, gave me something and that was to defeat me!" He looked really sad for a second.

The postman patted Ganondorf's hand. "I know. No one ever gives me letter for myself, just for others. You'd think someone would care about us, right?"

Ganondorf took the letter and opened it, scanning the page. "What does it say? I... I can't read." He admitted.

The postman smiled sadly. "I could read it to you." He offered.

With a smile, Ganondorf handed the letter back to the postman and invited him in. "Please, sit." He motioned to a chair at a dining table as he himself took a seat.

The postman thanked the sweet villain and looked the letter over carefully. "It talks about the desert, and how extra guards are needed because of monsters. Something about a princess and shooting cannons. Does that mean anything to you?"

Ganondorf shook his head. "No, but it looks like I'll be going to the desert tomorrow."

With the letter delivered, the postman carried on his way, as he had more letters to deliver. He smiled, knowing he had a new friend to count on.


End file.
